This little bit of fiction may seem odd, but bear with me. Stories are better when they have characters you are familiar with and understand. I think you’ll be very familiar with the characters and stories here.
Imagine if George Washington had accepted the wishes of the people that wanted to hold him up to be more than a simple man and crown him as their King of the United States. Imagine it is now back in that time. George Washington rules over us as a King and can decree all sorts of laws to punish us for what he decides are crimes. He could require all sorts of payments and penance for us to redeem ourselves in the eyes of the King as the sole ruler of our domain. George Washington was a good guy, so that’s why some people think it would be good to have someone like him with that much power over everything. Most people think its true and make it happen, so you should accept that George Washington is your King.
King George Washington lets all of that power go to his head and becomes a jealous King requiring all of his loyal subjects to love him above all others. He decrees that as a law in the First Amendment of the Constitution under the King’s new Bill of Commandments. Some of the other amendments make murder a crime, bans theft of private property, and makes adultery a crime the government should handle for us. We generally believe King George Washington is a good and righteous king overall even though he now requires unquestioning belief in his judgment and our unwavering loyalty or we risk a lifetime in a hellish prison.
George Washington, father and King of our country, eventually decides he needs to provide a son to the world since he considers himself the King of Kings. He believes his rule should live on to save us from our criminal instincts, lest we break down in to anarchy without his rule. He’s the King and can do just about anything he wants including having a son how he chooses. He decides the best way to do this is to demonstrate his power as King and use a nice young couple that had just gotten married. They haven’t had a chance to consummate the marriage and the young bride is still a virgin even though she has a husband. King George Washington rapes the young woman and forces her to have his child as the best way he can think of to provide the greatest gift he has for the country. King George Washington loves his new son and names him James Washington.
He realizes the people are suffering under his often misunderstood laws and that he loves the citizens of the country more than his own son. Even though he’s the King and makes all of the laws he can’t just undue them all by decree. That might make him look like he didn’t know what he was doing with all of those laws about slavery, goat sacrifices, and public stoning to punish certain offenses. King George Washington makes a new law, referred to as the New Deal, saying that if the Native Americans would kill James, then any crimes for those old laws would always be forgiven and the American people wouldn’t have to follow them anymore (now referred to as the Old Deal). King George Washington arranges for the murder of his only son to forgive the people of all crimes committed under the Old Deal laws he had made.
The citizens of the United States rejoice when King George Washington issues the New Deal for the country. The old laws required the citizens to love him as their only King, but under the New Deal he has devised a way for everyone to love him since he cares more about that than the breaking of any laws. There is now one condition for receiving a not guilty ruling for some of the old laws that make sense to continue to follow and any new laws the King and his growing set of advisors create. A person has to profess their belief in the King’s rule and offer King George Washington their love, and then the loving King finds them not guilty for their crimes. A person could murder someone but then can be found not guilty in the King’s eyes as long as they love and believe in their King. You still shouldn’t kill someone even though murder was a law under the Old Deal and the New Deal repealed some or all of those laws. You still shouldn’t kill someone even though your crimes can be pardoned by the King if you just believe in his judgment and love him. Believing in King George Washington is more important than anything so don’t worry about the details of crimes and forgiveness.
It does get a little confusing as the New Deal progresses because nobody hears from the King himself anymore and only gets messages through his advisors. The King’s advisors assure everyone the King still lives and that they’re authorized to pass along his new laws and pardons. We all must continue to love the King if we hope to have all of our crimes pardoned. It’s good to love the king and believe in his judgment. Why would you want to risk jail when his pardons are such a great gift?
Wouldn’t the United States have been great if we really could have made George Washington our King instead of just a President? 😉