Christianity in a Nutshell

Christianity in a Nutshell has a wonderful summary of Christianity that I just have to present here as well in case they ever decide to take it down. Click the link above to see it in a better format with some pictures.

In the beginning, Biblegod created the universe. Biblegod gave everyone free will to act independently. Then Biblegod decided that acting independently of Biblegod’s will was a “sin”, something Biblegod can’t abide. So Biblegod gave us free will but doesn’t want us to use it. The logic here makes my brain hurt so we won’t dwell on this point.

Anyway, so Biblegod’s pretty upset about all this sin on earth. So he muttered to himself, “What shall we do? What shall we do?”

Understand that the Biblegod often used the “royal we” when talking to himself. Other than these eccentricities, an anger-management problem, his megalomania, that multiple-personality disorder (three to be specific), some nasty anti-social tendencies and arguably a case of arrested-development, the Biblegod’s really perfectly normal.

In any event, he said, “We shall flood the earth,” with an ‘I got it’ expression but then his brow furrowed once more as he reflected, “No, we tried that twice. Once with Gilgamesh and later with Noah.”

Then he came up with a brilliant solution. Biblegod sent himself down to earth to assume a human form named “Jesus”. Biblegod then arranged for himself to be sacrificed to himself. It was the only way he could convince himself to forgive all of us for being sinful.

For a while, the Biblegod’s avatar wasn’t sure about this mission that he sent himself on but then reminded himself, “Not my will but my will be done.” [Matt 26:31] Being on the cross was really painful. At one point, he was heard to say “Me, why have I forsaken me”. [Mark 15:34]

However, all the pain and suffering was worth it. If Biblegod hadn’t sacrificed himself to himself, he could never have convinced himself to forgive us and change a rule that he made in the first place. He made himself suffer and die on the cross in order that we might be saved from his own wrath.

We’re not sure exactly how bleeding on a cross makes everything better but Biblegod works in strange ways. Perhaps its some sort of Gestalt therapy for working through Biblegod’s anger management problems we mentioned earlier. Regardless, the Biblegod hasn’t firebombed any cities lately [Gen 19:24-25] or called for the rape and genocide of entire tribes [Num 31:14-18] since the days of the Old Testament, so we won’t argue with what apparently works.

Anyone who doesn’t accept Biblegod’s unconditional love as demonstrated by his act of masochism on the cross shall be cast into a lake of fire to be tortured for all eternity [Mark 16:16]. Remember, Biblegod loves you and doesn’t want to torture you for all eternity but you’ll make him do it if you don’t believe this outlandish tale.

Glory to the Biblegod. Amen.

The Impeachment of God

“I am an agnostic,” DeRaymond wrote to Freedberg. “I do not believe that any God passed these laws on a tablet to Moses. The plaque offends me and as the remarks of various government officials indicate, your endorsement of it can and will be construed as an endorsement of a specific thread of religion.”

“Whatever we feel personally about the Ten Commandments, it is inappropriate for them to be displayed in a courtroom, implying somehow that religious beliefs are connected to the way justice will be dispensed in that courtroom,” Crownfield said. “It can’t help but make someone non-Judeo Christian wonder if they will receive the same justice as Christians or Jews.”

‘Agnostic’ seeks removal of commandments plaque

A federal judge hearing a second lawsuit aimed at barring the Pledge of Allegiance in schools has ruled that the suit can move forward.

“There is nothing whatsoever that requires acknowledging God, (in order) to love this country,” said Judge Lawrence Karlton.

‘Under God’ Lawsuit Moves Ahead

I was never given the opportunity to vote for God as my supreme President and I don’t really think he’s qualified to have a part in the U.S. government since he isn’t even a citizen of this country. However, in the 1950s an anti-Communist movement decided to try to make this “One Nation, Under God” and to officially say “In God We Trust” to show how different we were from the “godless” Communists.

I am one of a minority of people that do not believe in the God of the Bible and I definitely don’t see his place in our government. I fully support freedom of religion as a personal freedom. However, it does not mean our country should have a direct relationship and subservience to the Christian God. The people of this country have beliefs and full religious freedom, the country itself is not “under God.”

The 10 Commandments are not the direct basis of law in this country. Otherwise I’d be rotting in jail right now because of my obvious violation of 3 (or 4 depending on version) out of the 10 commandments. Which Commandments?

I support the full impeachment of God and his removal from office. I hope the efforts to do so are successful because I don’t think we should be officially endorsing him.

Boycott of Cool Beans Coffee Shop – Homewood, Alabama

The Universist Movement, which has for over a year met in a variety of businesses and private homes across the Birmingham area, has for the first time been told where it is not welcome: Cool Beans in Homewood, AL.

Shop owner Amy Anderson said on Monday ?I am a Christian, and I am not comfortable with your group putting fliers on our table or having meetings here.? Other local religious groups do meet at the business, which gladly hosts fliers for Christian groups including CASBA (Catholic Singles in the Birmingham Area) and Elevate College Ministry. Confronted with the discrimination, Universist Movement Director Ford Vox informed Anderson that ?Over the years, businesses have discriminated against people for reasons of race, gender, sexual orientation and religion. Your policy is part of that sad history.?

Boycott of Cool Beans Coffee Shop – Homewood, Alabama

People are sometimes uncomfortable with being around and interacting with those that are different from themselves. Fortunately, discrimination, fear, and hatred are generally on the decline in this country. However, anytime we see discrimination and fear such as what happened at the Cool Beans coffee shop, we should remind them that humans are essentially human no matter what they believe.

We open our arms to our fellow humans no matter how wrong we think their beliefs are and we don’t even have a god to tell us that this is the right thing to do. I wonder why Amy Anderson’s god tells her she should reject Universists and tell us we’re not welcome?

Well, if I’m ever in the Homewood, Alabama area, I’ll be sure I won’t visit:
Cool Beans Coffee House
1014 Oxmoor Rd.
Homewood, AL 35209

Myth of the Agnostic Theist

“Theism” is defined as the “belief in a god or gods.”…

…While the agnostic of the Huxley variety may refuse to state whether theism is true or false — thus “suspending” his judgment — he does not believe in the existence of a god. (If he did believe, he would be a theist.) Since this agnostic does not accept the existence of a god as true, he is without theistic belief; he is atheistic — and Huxley’s agnosticism emerges as a form of atheism.

Thus, as previously indicated, agnosticism is not an independent position or a middle way between theism and atheism, because it classifies according to different criteria. Theism and atheism separate those who believe in a god from those who do not. Agnosticism separates those who believe that reason cannot penetrate the supernatural realm from those who defend the capability of reason to affirm or deny the truth of theistic belief…

…Agnosticism is a legitimate philosophical position (although, in my opinion, it is mistaken), but it is not a third alternative or a halfway house between theism and atheism. Instead, it is a variation of either theism or atheism. The self-proclaimed agnostic must still designate whether he does or does not believe in a god — and, in so doing, he commits himself to theism or he commits himself to atheism. But he does commit himself. Agnosticism is not the escape clause that it is commonly thought to be.

The Scope of Atheism

Mr Smith bounces around somewhat in his attempt to define Agnostics. He says that Agnosticism doesn’t stand alone and is just a modifier for both Theists and Atheists. He then correctly states that someone that believes in a god, even without belief that they can know for certain that god exists, is still essentially a Theist. “If he did believe, he would be a theist.”

I do agree that Agnosticism is a form of Atheism, but only to the point that Agnostics are also atheistic towards all gods defined by humanity. Agnostics are committed to atheism towards the human-defined gods and this makes the existence of an Agnostic Theist a myth. All Theists do not profess they “know” their god(s) exists, just that they believe in their god(s), so knowledge is not something that matters to Theism. Modifying “theist” with “agnostic” has nothing to do with Agnosticism itself, just as an operating system agnostic computer program has nothing to do with Agnosticism.

Knowledge is not important for theistic belief in a god or gods. Atheists are lacking in this belief because of a lack of knowledge and evidence. Agnostics are also lacking in this belief for much the same reason, but Agnosticism says a little more about the metaphysical than Atheism does. Where Atheism just lacks a belief in a god or gods, Agnosticism says we have no reason to claim that the concept of a supernatural being is positively false. The metaphysical and supernatural, if it even exists, is beyond human understanding or experience. Atheists typically reject the whole concept of the existence of supernatural beings. Agnostics suspect that we are right in our atheistic view of a god or gods, but we acknowledge that we really have no way of knowing.

Theist: believes in a god or gods
Atheist: lacks a belief in any god or gods or the god concept
Agnostic: lacks a belief in a god or gods defined by humanity and asserts that such things are beyond our understanding (hence, the atheistic lack of belief) and that we may never be able to know (hence, the lack of complete rejection of the god concept)

Dear Abby on uExpress

DEAR ABBY: Of course atheists should respect others’ beliefs — and their rituals. But believers should also respect atheists’ right to reject those beliefs and their rituals. Respect goes both ways. Mutual respect is shown when atheists act as silent observers while believers go about their business, and believers resist shaming atheists for refusing to mimic them. — NORMAN IN UPPER MONTCLAIR, N.J.

DEAR NORMAN: Shaming others who refuse to mimic them? That’s not proselytizing — that’s bullying.

Dear Abby on uExpress

It was nice to see that Dear Abby received mail about her advice I previously wrote about here. She didn’t quite say she agreed with her Atheist readers and they were right to not say Amen, other than she allowed their words to be printed. If you follow the link above and read the first reply, it almost sounded like only a rebuttal to the letter. The second letter I quote above is a better one.

The third letter just has her saying she’s glad this is over and defends herself by saying she was only giving that advice because it is what she does as a Jewish person.

She does end with some simple good advice for when the situation is reversed and a Christian is in your home and wants to say grace over the meal:

DEAR NON-BELIEVERS: Certainly. Just say to your guest, “Thank you for offering, but that won’t be necessary.”

Overall, I think Dear Abby has been fair and she has hopefully learned something new about the faithless.