Deism.org has a wonderful summary of Christianity that I just have to present here as well in case they ever decide to take it down. Click the link above to see it in a better format with some pictures.
In the beginning, Biblegod created the universe. Biblegod gave everyone free will to act independently. Then Biblegod decided that acting independently of Biblegod’s will was a “sin”, something Biblegod can’t abide. So Biblegod gave us free will but doesn’t want us to use it. The logic here makes my brain hurt so we won’t dwell on this point.
Anyway, so Biblegod’s pretty upset about all this sin on earth. So he muttered to himself, “What shall we do? What shall we do?”
Understand that the Biblegod often used the “royal we” when talking to himself. Other than these eccentricities, an anger-management problem, his megalomania, that multiple-personality disorder (three to be specific), some nasty anti-social tendencies and arguably a case of arrested-development, the Biblegod’s really perfectly normal.
In any event, he said, “We shall flood the earth,” with an ‘I got it’ expression but then his brow furrowed once more as he reflected, “No, we tried that twice. Once with Gilgamesh and later with Noah.”
Then he came up with a brilliant solution. Biblegod sent himself down to earth to assume a human form named “Jesus”. Biblegod then arranged for himself to be sacrificed to himself. It was the only way he could convince himself to forgive all of us for being sinful.
For a while, the Biblegod’s avatar wasn’t sure about this mission that he sent himself on but then reminded himself, “Not my will but my will be done.” [Matt 26:31] Being on the cross was really painful. At one point, he was heard to say “Me, why have I forsaken me”. [Mark 15:34]
However, all the pain and suffering was worth it. If Biblegod hadn’t sacrificed himself to himself, he could never have convinced himself to forgive us and change a rule that he made in the first place. He made himself suffer and die on the cross in order that we might be saved from his own wrath.
We’re not sure exactly how bleeding on a cross makes everything better but Biblegod works in strange ways. Perhaps its some sort of Gestalt therapy for working through Biblegod’s anger management problems we mentioned earlier. Regardless, the Biblegod hasn’t firebombed any cities lately [Gen 19:24-25] or called for the rape and genocide of entire tribes [Num 31:14-18] since the days of the Old Testament, so we won’t argue with what apparently works.
Anyone who doesn’t accept Biblegod’s unconditional love as demonstrated by his act of masochism on the cross shall be cast into a lake of fire to be tortured for all eternity [Mark 16:16]. Remember, Biblegod loves you and doesn’t want to torture you for all eternity but you’ll make him do it if you don’t believe this outlandish tale.
Glory to the Biblegod. Amen.